Meeting People Online: Is It Safe?

by Leslie Karen Lobell, M.A.

Perhaps you have considered using online personal ads or dating services, such as Webpersonals, but you have not yet tried them. You are curious, but you also feel somewhat hesitant. For some of us, especially for women, we have concerns. Is it safe? You may be thinking, "Yeah, sure, I'd like to meet someone new, but how do I make sure it is not some weirdo, or creepy stalker, or something!"

Remember: most people using online dating services, such as Webpersonals, are looking for the same thing you are: friendship, romance, and the possibility of finding "the one." Most of them are nice, decent people. Many of them are busy professionals whose work lives make it difficult for them to meet potential dating or relationship partners in more "conventional" ways. It is very reasonable to have concerns about safety, but we also need to keep them in perspective: Actually, meeting people in Cyberspace is probably safer than meeting people in a bar or even the supermarket. We just need to use some common sense and intuition... and maybe utilize some tips for safety.

Almost any action we take in life, be it crossing a street, driving a car, or going out to a restaurant, involves some level of risk. After all, you might trip and fall in a crosswalk, get rear-ended by a drunk driver, or end up with food poisoning after a tasty meal. In everyday life, we learn that there are actions we can take to help insure our safety. The same is true for meeting people via the Internet. Just as you might look both ways before crossing a street, in order to avoid getting hit by a car, so, too, can you use certain precautions to make your journeys through Cyberspace, to meet people online, safe and enjoyable.

Before You Begin

In this information age, it is not too difficult for someone to find out a lot of information about us, such as our home address, from either a phone number or a last name and a first initial. So, first, I would advise being cautious about giving these out, inadvertently or otherwise.

Your Email Address:

A lot of your early contact with people you meet online probably will occur via email. Remember that your business and personal email accounts may have your name or other personal information attached. Many people get a separate email account specifically for use with personals. You may want to sign up for a free email address through Hotmail, Juno, or any of a number of other services. When signing up, remember that when you send an email, people not only get your chosen email address, but also the email will say FROM: Firstname Lastname. So, when initially signing up for this special account, do not use your last name, and you may not want to use your real first name, either. You can make up a code name, or have fun doing something playful. Perhaps you want to sign up your First Name as "Luv2" and your Last Name as "Dance." You could become "Goddess Incarnate," "Healing Woman," "Buffy 2000" or anything you come up with. Have a good time with it and express yourself!

Choosing A Service:

Once you have your email address, it is time to check out different services online. Either do a search on something like "Personals," or go directly to a website that you have heard about, such as one of our recommended sites. Read about the service before joining. Check out their privacy clause or other policies, so you know how any information that you give them will or will not be used. Make sure they will not be giving out your name or any other personal information. You will find that most, if not all, of these online services are conscious of your concerns for safety and privacy. Find a service that feels right for you. Many sites have free memberships as well as paid memberships. Choose a service and sign up. You are now ready to create a profile and start having some fun.

Creating A Profile:

When you start using a service, you can create a profile or identity to let people know about you and about what type of person and/or relationship you seek. Again, you want to take certain precautions in creating this ad to insure your safety and privacy. Do not give your last name. You may want to use a code name (this can match the one you used for your special email account, but it does not need to). If you are looking for someone in your local area, you can give the broad general area of where you live, but don't be too specific. For instance, stating "I live in the Washington, D.C. area" is probably better than "I live in the Adams Morgan area of D.C." or "I live within walking distance of the Dupont Circle metro stop." Beyond these few guidelines, the sky is the limit in terms of what you might say in crafting your profile. (Other articles can give you ideas for creating an ad that can express who you truly are and that will attract the type of person you seek).

About the Author

The Art of Loving