You're a Big Girl Now

The Girl's Guide to Being a Boss (Without Being a Bitch): Valuable Lessons, Smart Suggestions, and True Stories for Succeeding as the Chick-in-Charge
by Caitlin Friedman, Kimberly Yorio

So, you finally got that promotion. You're the boss now. The supervisor. The manager. The captain. The taskmaster. Those days of taking orders, running errands, and clock-watching are over. As exciting as all this might seem, once the rush of the promotion is over, you might be scratching your head wondering exactly what to do. Being the boss is never easy, but it's twice as hard for a woman. It seems like there's no middle ground. Either you're the dragon lady who rules with an iron fist or the mousey girl who gets drowned out at every meeting. When a woman wields authority and dares to make tough decisions, how often is the "B-word" bandied about by her employees? How can she strike that balance between pushover and dictator?

Fear not. You can do the job. All you need is a little helpful advice to send you on your way. Whether you supervise two as a shift manager or lord over an entire corporate empire, Caitlin Friedman and Kim Yorio will show you how to step gracefully into your new position of power. They'll teach you how to motivate your team without alienating them, how to delegate without feeling guilty, how to deal with office politics and how to handle evaluations, promotions, and even firings. And for those of you who are already running the show, they can help you become the mentor your employees deserve.

Inside, there are self-assessment questionnaires to help you find out where you land on the bitch or wimp scale; interviews with prominent female bosses, human-resources directors, and therapists; and advice from a whole host of experts. In addition, there are funny and informative checklists and tips to make sure you're the Good Witch around the office and not the Big Bitch. And, most important, Caitlin and Kim will teach you the secrets to owning your role and loving it. You've earned your promotion, so enjoy it!

Chapter 1

From Just another Employee to Chick-In-Charge

Okay. So you're the boss now. The supervisor. The manager. The captain. The taskmaster. Those days of taking orders, running errands, and clock-watching are over forever. At last, you get to call the shots.

As exciting as all this might seem, once the rush of the promotion is over, you might be scratching your head wondering exactly what your new responsibilities entail. Many feel a little lost once we arrive at the grown-up table, not having had many positive managerial role models. Fear not. You know you can do the job; all you need is a little helpful advice to send you on your way.

Whether you supervise two as a shift manager or lord over an entire corporate empire, we will help you take the leap from mediocre to marvelous. And for those of you who are already running the show, we can help you lose that nickname "Bitch on Wheels" and become the leader your employees deserve.

We'll show you what it means to be queen: how to wield your ever-evolving bag of management tricks; discover what is expected of you; decide what you can reasonably expect of your team; and how to jump in and love every minute of your Head Honchoness.

Good days and bad days: the good, bad, and ugly aspects of being a manager

Leading can be a daunting task. In some ways it can be positively thrilling. In others, it can be a big old pain in the ass. Just as the freedom, responsibility, and respect start to lift you to cloud nine, the paranoia, fear, and anxiety can bring you crashing back down to earth. Like all things, being the recognized leader can have its highs and lows. Here's a look at the lawns on both sides of the fence.

The Good

Money, Money, Money, Money, Money!

We might be dreaming, but if you've gotten a promotion, we'd like to assume a nice, whopping raise came along with it. Hopefully you will never again have to struggle to make ends meet and face your credit card bills at the end of the month in tears. Even if the new job doesn't mean a giant windfall, being the boss should put you in a better financial position than you were in before. And if you're not, make sure you check out the sections in chapter 5 on fair pay and lobby for what you deserve.

Princess of Power

Power is good. Making decisions that lead to positive outcomes is good. Making the calls, changing the rules, and forging decisions that may alter the course of the entire company can be great. Having the ultimate responsibility is positively thrilling. The bitch boss who throws her weight around, barks orders, and is generally focused on herself while making her employees miserable doesn't have to be you. Once you settle into your new role, you'll find that being the leader means you can be the manager who uplifts employees and gets real enjoyment from watching your colleagues grow and prosper. Building a team, working together, and teaching others will be hugely gratifying. At the end of the day, it can make you feel like a million bucks.

The More You Know

While mentoring your dewy protégées, you yourself will be acquiring new information and facing fresh and exciting challenges every day. Learned knowledge changes us and makes us better mothers, friends, and businesswomen. Growing professionally can be empowering and give you a broader perspective on both the world and your place within it. The more you know the better off you are, both intellectually and resume wise. Don't forget the journey to becoming a great leader is a lifelong one.

Your Mom Will Be Proud

Ultimately, if you succeed, the prestige and glow of success will make all the mistakes and missteps worthwhile. There is no greater feeling in the world than a job well done.

The Bad

Training Anyone?

The sad reality is there's never enough training offered to employees. Even among the companies that have well-established training programs, there will be plenty of times when you just don't know what to do. You would think that when a new person is hired they would be handed all the necessary tools to do a job effectively. Maybe the person before you fled the job or was fired, and the people who remain don't really know what she did. Perhaps everyone is too busy to sit down and go through your job in detail. Whatever the reason, your training will probably consist of "Here's your office. Good luck." It's up to you to figure out how to achieve your goals using the best resource you have - your staff.

It's Lonely at the Top

For all of the positive things your new role as a manager can bring, the scariest one is the isolation you will feel as the woman at the top of the corporate ladder. You have the responsibility to make your team a success, and if it fails, you take the blame. Gone are the days when you can be everyone's gal pal. No more shuffling off to the lunchroom to spend an hour shooting the breeze about the latest episode of Desperate Housewives. When asked the biggest mistake that new managers make, 90 percent of the women whom we interviewed replied that they tried to be liked. You are not there to be anyone's friend. You are in the leadership role to provide the tools and environment that your team needs to accomplish their goals. If the team is not accomplishing the goals, with all the appropriate support, then you, new manager, will have to reprimand and maybe terminate team members who aren't measuring up. This power that you gain when promoted will separate you from your team.

Copyright © 2006 by Caitlin Friedman

About the Author

Caitlin Friedman is a public relations and marketing professional with more than twelve years of consumer, food and beverage, publishing, and television-production experience. In 2001, she partnered with Kimberly Yorio to form YC Media, a full-service public relations and marketing firm based in downtown Manhattan.

Kimberly Yorio has forged a reputation as a keen marketer specializing in the development of strategic publicity and promotions campaigns for cookbooks, restaurants, chefs, and other food-related personalities and products.